Separation in Marriage – Bible

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Separation in Marriage - Bible

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If I were to do a google search of the words, “separation in marriage bible” what do you think I’d find? Well, I’d find it’s something people are searching, and I’m not surprised.

When we were going through the very early stages of recovery, separation wasn’t really on our radar, but as we learned more that changed. In time, we too wanted to know what the Bible says about it.

See, we were trying to give our marriage the best chance of survival, and everything we thought we knew said separation was the first step towards divorce. As we healed, though, we both realized those perceptions were not based in reality. We were being driven by our fear more than an objective evaluation of what situation would truly give us the best chance at healing and restoration.

After looking at what the Bible has to say we now honestly believe a period of separation is almost always a good idea in marriages attempting to recover from intimate betrayal and sexual addictions. (We’ll look at one example of this from the book of Hosea a little further down.)

But there are a lot of different types of separation, (some healthy, and some not) and different situations call for different solutions. So let’s cover several of the healthy options available to us and discuss when each is likely the best choice. 

Therapeutic Separation (The best Biblical Option) 

A Therapeutic Separation is the most ideal form of separation in marriage Bible-wise, but it is a very specific thing. In a Therapeutic Separation, everything has been agreed upon, and the objective is always restoration. It covers a very specifically set amount of time, has clearly defined objectives and parameters for both partners, and often even includes a contract that is signed by both parties.

Therapeutic separation offers the individual members of the marriage time to re-establish safety, focus completely on personal healing, and figure out his/her goals for the marriage moving forward. It offers perspective to both partners as they evaluate what life would be like without the other. 

A Therapeutic Separation is only possible when both spouses are wholly committed to the healing process. It can only happen when there is mutual respect, determination, and commitment. When that is the case, though, it is one of the most valuable tools available to a successful restoration of the marriage.

Both my love and I attribute a great deal of our quick success in recovery to our own Therapeutic Separation, which you can read a little about here.

In-House Separation 

An In-House Separation is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. It is a separation in which both parties continue to live in the same house, but in separate bedrooms. There is a great deal of variation in how this can be set up, and an In-House Separation can still be a Therapeutic Separation.

Sometimes, while both parties are under the same roof, that’s where the connection ends. There is no contact or interaction at all, simply shared living space. Other times, life goes on almost completely unchanged and it is only at night that there is any difference to the relationship as the two partners head to separate beds and bedrooms. 

An In-House Separation is often chosen for couples with small children as it offers the most stability for the kids while avoiding placing the full responsibility of their care on one parent or the other.

Another reason to choose an In-House Separation is if there are very limited resources within the marriage. Finding a safe but separate place for one spouse to live can be difficult and pricey. If there isn’t a great deal of support available from friends or family, and money is tight, an In-House Separation might be the only safe and healthy option. 

Sexual-Detox Separation 

A period of sexual detox is vital to the recovery of anyone addicted to pornography, lust, or sex. Unfortunately, it won’t do any good unless the addict is ready and willing to take this step. If you’re the spouse of a sexual addict, this can’t be your call. It just won’t work. 

When the addict IS serious about recovery though – like really really serious – a period of at least 60 days and preferably 90 days with absolutely no sexual stimulation or release of any kind will give him the chance to re-wire his very broken brain.  

A Sexual-Detox Separation gives the addict (and the partner for that matter) the best chance available to discover what truly healthy, God-honoring sexuality looks like. It re-opens the door to intimacy. It proves to the addict that he doesn’t “need” sex. It breaks his dependency on it, and releases his brain from the toxic hold of the neurochemical concoction released when he acts out.  

A Sexual –Detox Separation is the bolt cutter in the hands of anyone enslaved by the chains of sexual addiction! And we find strong Biblical support for this idea in the book of Hosea.

After God told Hosea to bring his sex-addicted wife back into his home and “love her again.” We find that a period of sexual detox was called for first, and it was done in the style of an in-house separation.

Hosea 3:2-3 – So I bought her back for fifteen pieces of silver and five bushels of barley and a measure of wine. Then I said to her, “You must live in my house for many days and stop your prostitution. During this time, you will not have sexual relations with anyone, not even me.”

Separation Due to Boundary Violations 

A Separation Due to Boundary Violations is not ideal, but it is often necessary. It’s not the option that’s going to come up in the “separation in marriage Bible” search. But, unfortunately, not every sexual addict is ready to give up his addiction. Not everyone will choose healing.

God has made His forgiveness, healing, and redemption available to all, but not all will receive them. If your spouse refuses these gifts, you have to make some really hard choices. I’m so sorry my friend! 

But just because many religious people are shouting otherwise doesn’t mean God has actually called us to abide with sin. We’re not supposed to look the other way while our spouse continues to live immorally. Healthy, Biblical boundaries are our best option, and when these boundaries are violated separation might become necessary. 

*If you need to work through these issues and figure out what you need to do, the Biblical Boundaries Workbook, which you can find here is a great resource!  

A Few Unhealthy Options 

We’ve covered the healthy options available to us when it comes to separation. There are also quite a few terrible ones. Separations that happen as retribution or as a hasty reaction out of anger, for example, are never good ideas.

Trial separations, in which both parties are sort of “testing the waters” of the single life to see if it’s something they would prefer to marriage, don’t line up with a Biblical approach to marriage either. They’re not a good “separation in marriage – Bible” answer!!!

But the worst one to me is when couples separate because they feel pressured from a counselor, or from friends and family, and not because it’s what they actually believe will help them.

Separation has the potential to be a tool which helps achieve healing after the devastation of infidelity, but only if it is used appropriately. Plus, God leads us all differently in this journey. If something isn’t settled in your heart over the idea of a separation, don’t do it! Wait until you’re sure it’s God who is leading you to it and not man.

Separation in Marriage and the Bible 

1 Corinthians 7:10-11  But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not leave his wife. 

Obviously, separation is not something we should just jump into. It’s very serious, and should be avoided whenever possible. There are times, though when it becomes needed, and these are the exception, not the rule. In these cases, we shouldn’t be looking to find a “better option” in someone else, but to find a way to reconcile the marriage if possible. 

 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer... 1 Corinthians 7:5

If a Therapeutic Separation is possible, it’s the best option! It’s agreed upon, according to the passage in 1 Corinthians above, and if it can incorporate the 90-day detox (even better)!

If your spouse has no interest in healing, though, and remains unrepentant, then I believe (as I’ve said many times before) that 1 Corinthians 5 gives us everything we need to know that separation is not only okay, but what God ask us to do. Here is another passage that communicates something similar: 

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 – Don’t team up with unbelievers. How can a righteous person be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols?

For we are the temple of the living God. As God said: “I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from among unbelievers, and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord. Don’t touch their filthy things, and I will welcome you. And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” 

I was fortunate in my own marriage, that by the time I was dealing with the idea of separation, my love had reached the point in which he was ready and willing to fight alongside me to save the marriage. He was ready to do whatever it took.

We chose a 90-Day Therapeutic Separation and incorporated a Sexual-Detox into it at the same time. God blessed our efforts greatly, and when we came back together things were very different than when we separated. Healing was well underway!

I felt much safer to be able to explore the idea of rebuilding intimacy. It really helped us, and if you need help figuring out how to do something similar in your own relationship please feel free to contact us via email anytime.

Amos 3: 3 – Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction? 

Cherith Peters

Cherith Peters

I am a wife, mother, and passionate follower of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. After the realities of my husband's sexual addiction and infidelities finally came to a head, I began blogging about our journey to healing. God has worked many miracles in our life and marriage since then, and grown a ministry committed to helping others find the healing in Christ that changed our story forever!

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54 Responses

    1. I’m sorry. This does not sound like Biblical council. I realize there is likely much more to the story, but I hope you and your wife will be able to learn how to discern God’s leading through His Word (as in the Bible) and not through revelations supposedly given to people which contradict the clear teaching of Scripture. These are not from God.

      1. Sounds good. I have really been seeking God and getting the healing I needed from all the hurt my husband has caused me and the comfort I needed from the lord. In this time of separation my grandmother has since passed and my mom is diabetic and has been having issues. She has been close to death if I would not have been there for my mom she would be gone also. My husband has told me that the holy Spirit not to talk to me then today he tells me that now he can’t give me anymore money (that someone in church told him not to) I’m really confused at why he’s not to support or give me anymore money to help me. I just got a job on Thursday I’m still confused and frustrated wat do u think this sounds like?

        1. Hi Christina, I don’t really have nearly enough information to tell you anything or come to any conclusions about your situation. I am sorry you have had to face so many difficult situations, but I am happy to hear you are seeking the Lord and He is providing the healing you desire. I believe with all my heart that He will continue to guide you according to His will as long as you are earnestly seeking Him. His ways are always best! Saying a prayer for you and your marriage right now.

      2. As a counselor of over 40 years I agree that this is not Biblical. It violates the Word and principles of God. When scripture is lacking or used out of context we need to consider this basically boils down to be theory and or opinion and we need to investigate. Way too much lack of scriptural information for this serious move before God. Separation simply is not a strongly recommended Biblical principle indicating any extensive time periods for married couples to be apart. Within a Christian marriage separation is the exception not the rule. One reason God does not favor separation is that it infringes upon reconciliation (union). “For it pleased the Father that in Him all the fullness should dwell, and by Him to reconcile(reunite) all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross”. Colossians 1:19,20 A married couple are “No longer two but one”(Matthew 19:6) bound by Holy covenant and God wants them reconciled within all agreement points of that covenant, without violations of any details. God joined them together as one and the separation divides the whole. There is just one of the many principles of God’s Holy Word that encourages couples NOT to separate. If we are considering separation we need to look into the whole counsel of God!

  1. My wife and I are currently doing an “in house” separation by the recommendation of her counselor and I still have no idea why or how long. It’s frustrating and hurtful, honestly. It’s been a month already and I’m not allowed to ask how much longer it will be. Her family even stopped talking to me and I don’t know what’s going on!

    1. I’m sorry Jarrett, good communication is essential if there is any hope of restoration. My recommendation would be to take this time to get alone with God and seek Him with all your heart. Allow Him to comfort you, to refine and sanctify you, and to make you into a man after His own heart. As you live your life in pursuit of Him and for His glory alone, I pray your wife, along with everyone else in your life, will see the undeniable work of God in you and want to be a part of it.

      1. Wife left almost 2 years ago with with 21 year old son and now 23 years old. They are living together in an apartment. She filed for divorce e but ten dismissed it. She never came back home. She says she wants to come back but she shows no remorse or sympathy. She’s more vocal and independent as ever. She never has been intimate and never said I love you to me and to our 3 children. Church and God were never been her priority. She skips praying and going to church when ever she gets a chance. I keep telling her that if wants to come back then put God first In everything. She refuses and don’t even want to go to church with me. I refuse to live with someone that has no God and church in her heart and life.

        1. Hi Reggie, perhaps a reading of 1 Corinthians 7 would give you some direction from the Lord on what direction you should go with this. Saying a prayer now for your family.

        2. I’m married to a woman who professes to be a Christian but openly fantasizes about prior lovers. In fact, I can write a book about the details of her sexual exploits. She was my one and only. However, whenever she disagrees with me she complains to her Christian friends who showed me a coop house they own in which they grow illegal marijuana for distribution. She even seeks their consult for our son with addiction problems if that makes sense? She filed a TRO against me in Family Court and filed criminal charge of abuse so she can cease the house for herself. Luckily, criminal charges were dropped when jury found me not guilty of anything after deliberating for less than 30 minutes. Anyway, my Christian lawyers told me I need to file divorce before she did so I make sure I get the best attorney before she did. Anyway, the Bible says to obey the law and seek counsel from Christian peers. This is what it looks like.

          1. I am sorry for your situation. I pray God gives both of you wisdom and opens your eyes to His will in your lives and marriage. I pray your hearts will be consumed with Him and that this overwhelming devotion to the One True God will change everything as you spend your lives chasing after Him and His ways. He is our only hope!

      2. I hello I have this God daughter who living with a Marry man his wife live in another’s states they been going threw fight about 7 years and he don’t want to help her she’s that’s much in love with this man that’s she refer to take all’s the hurts he’s causing her in she want let’s him go I have given her spiritual words, I have told her the things I went threw, so I don’t no what else to say to her can u give me encouraging words and what the Bible says

        1. Hi Barbara, unfortunately, we can’t make another person do the right thing. If you have shared with her from the Word of God and she isn’t interested in obedience to it, you may just have to let go and let her make her own choices. But never stop praying about it! That’s really your best weapon!

  2. Me and my wife have been married for 5 years. Just recently there was a little arguement that involved disrespecting each other I feel it was more one sided but then after that I was given the notice of wanting a divorce. Since then we were able to talk and set out things such as individual counseling, marriage counseling and she has said she just wants to be happy and live a health life which I do the same. I want to be beside my wife and I love her without question. And changes can always be made. Tho I chose not to get a whole seperate place and live that way and see each other that way and do things couple do in the very beginning of relationships. I have been staying at my siblings house for the last couple days to try to give some space. I’m just stuck and don’t know what to do at what is right and the proper steps to reconciling and restoration of our marriage. I know God is a big piece

    1. I do not believe separation is a good option when people simply have disagreements or are sick of each other. I really only think it is helpful when there is sin like infidelity or abuse that has broken the marriage covenant and needs to be dealt with from safety. Most of the time, though, people just need to learn to love like Jesus. Not looking for what the other person can do for us, but what we can do for the other person.

    1. No, I do not believe Scripture supports leaving a spouse that is not supportive of your spiritual growth. In fact, I would say 1 Corinthians 7 demands that you stay with such a partner. You still obey God, and prioritize your relationship with Him over your relationship with your spouse, but it is possible to do this and stay married. And that is what Scripture supports.

  3. Hi Cherith,
    Thank you for this article, and sharing some of your own story. I have some questions, that you may be able to answer…
    1. What if the separation wasn’t mutual or ‘therapeutic’? As well as NO communication in the relationship or decision to separate?
    2. What if he did leave, should I be calling him or reaching out to him?
    3. What if there was no sex to detox from? For 7 years.
    4. Do you know of a good counseling center?
    There are so many questions I have..and things I don’t know if I did right or wrong.
    A Separated Wife

    1. Hello friend,
      I am not a counselor, and even if I was, I couldn’t tell you what to do or even advise you with almost no information about your specific situation. These things don’t have blanket answers. Each situation is unique in its own way and requires nuance in how it is handled. You are certainly welcome to email me if you would like to get into more detail about your story, and I can try to point you toward some Scripture that might be helpful. My email is: If you go to the APSATS website they should have some resources to help you find good qualified counselors that will meet your needs:!directory/map .
      I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful, but there just isn’t enough information here. I am saying a prayer for you and your husband right now.

  4. I asked my Husband to leave the house because of verbal and emotional abuse. He loves God but began backsliding and reported no repentance over moral failure and over the abuse. He was also becoming increasingly angry and directed it to me and my daughter. He agreed to leave. We went to a few therapy sessions but during the last session, he said that he did not want to work on the marriage anymore. I’ve been praying and fasting. I’ve offered my marriage up to the Lord to restore if it is His will. I pray constantly for his return to God’s embrace. I’ve received advice to move on and to divorce him but we have only been separated a month. How can I stop praying and move on after a month? God has revealed my missteps and I have repented and apologized for the role that I played. I have never cheated and to hear so many Christians telling me to forget about him and move on quickly is disheartening. They imply that I am silly for believing God could help a man with so many issues. Why am I the only one that believes that God can heal and restore my marriage? I was not perfect and I relied on poor Christian counsel which made things worse, but God can restore anything and anyone. I am choosing to pray for my husband daily and to take care of myself and our daughter during this time. I will not cheat. I will not manipulate. I will live and serve the Lord and if it is God’s will, my hubby will repent and reconnect to God and work with me to heal our marriage. If the hardness of my husband’s heart remains unchanged, I will rely on God for my strength and sanity because, unlike man, God will never abandon me. Pray for my strength please.

  5. My wife of 24 years asked for a divorce in June by recommendation of her so called Christian counselor. Since then I have moved in and out of the house several times. We hardly ever were in an argument our entire marriage to the brink of divorce in a few short months. This counselor also told my wife her mom is toxic so she has also cut her out of her life. I was told by my mentor that this counselor is a wolf in sheeps clothing and that she has greatly deceived my wife. Praying for a miracle and that God can restore my marriage.

    1. I’m sorry to hear this Jay. While I certainly do believe there are times when separation is appropriate and helpful, those times are few and far between. Basically when there is unfaithfulness or abuse. That’s about it. Unfortunately, not everyone sees it that way. Saying a prayer for your marriage now. May God’s will be done.

  6. I am hurting so badly. I still love my husband and I am praying that he repent and draw close to God. However, he separated from me for another woman who has more money than me and can provide him with the things that he wants not necessarily needs. Please pray for our marriage and for me. And recently he is in the process of losing his job due to his own big error and looking towards the woman he committed adultery with even more for her financial support now.

  7. My husband and I got married in 2013, he divorced me in 2014, we remarried in 2022. After remarrying my husband I later found out that he had married someone else in 2017, there is no record of their divorce. We were Christians then and I am still a Christian. Hurt by all of this mess and betrayed. He claims he thought he was divorced. Biblically where do I stand. We are separated at the moment. I am lost.

    1. Hi Shea, I honestly don’t know how to answer you. I don’t have nearly enough information to go on, and I am not a marriage counselor. I am sorry you’re dealing with this difficulty, but you don’t need me to tell you what the Bible says. Ask God to lead you to the answers you need in this situation, then dig into Scripture for yourself and find them. The Holy Spirit will lead you to the truth you need. God bless.

      1. Hi cherith,
        I am glad that the search engine directed me to your write up about separation in marriage;thank you for taking the time to do so.
        I reside in one of the countries in Africa where as a Christian, you can’t just wake up one day and request for a divorce even mostly where the sin of infidelity occured.
        I married my high school friends/crush after loosing contact for more than a decade.We were in the choir together as teenagers,his dad(A now retired BISHOP) and mine were friends(infact,he officiated my christening).So,when we reconnected during our late twenties,I saw my husband as a better choice as I believe we would both love God and have a genuine Christian home.
        However, about 4 to 5 years into our marriage ,we moved house to a more urban area after the loss of our second child.I noticed the kinds of company he started keeping were causing restraints in our relationship which I called his attention to but till now (almost 8 years in marriage ),it is getting worse!
        My husband does not involve me in matters most times except where he wants my financial contributions.I caught him via a video upload of the lady he cheated on me with but still kept my cool when I asked and he denied ,He made me close my flourishing Daycare centre business after so much pressure (he even sent me packing at some point),he drinks,visit bars in the environment etc
        My question now is, is that enough ground to get separated from him?I am overwhelmed .
        N.B We started a relocation abroad project last year and are waiting to be granted Visa for the whole family.
        THANK YOU.

        1. Hello. I am sorry for what you are dealing with. To answer your question, yes. I do believe unrepentant infidelity is grounds for separation and if repentance still doesn’t happen, divorce. I’ve written another piece that explains what I believe is the Biblical response to infidelity in detail. You can find it here:
          And I also think there is TONS of useful information in this video by Mike Winger that might be helpful too:

  8. I have a question, this is my 3rd marriage, I left my first marriage bc I was unfaithful, that was before I became a Christian, I married my 2nd husband who was physically and emotionally abusive, I divorced him, but he later died, I am currently separated from my 3rd husband, because it was really toxic, we went through online counseling, he says he gave his heart to Jesus,we love each other and want to get back together, my question, do I get back with him even though I’ve been married multiple times or am I committing adultery? This is his first marriage

    1. Leah, you need to look into Scripture and find the answer to this question for yourself. Many Christians have many different beliefs about this. But I will tell you that I believe that when God convicts you of the importance of faithfulness to your marriage vows, you should apply it to the marriage you are in at the time. Be faithful and committed from here forward. Leave the past in the past, accept the forgiveness Jesus offers for those sins, and go forward with a commitment to honor God in the choices you make from here on out. But again, dig into the Word and find out for yourself what God is saying to you.

  9. Hi me and my husband has been separated for 3 years now and he does not have any intentions of making amends nor does he show interest of reconciling….i really don’t wanna divorce as God hates divorce but im still young and i need love in my life and Paul says we should burn by sinning we should get married but i dont want to commit adultery by getting divorced and remarrying… Please advice me and pray for me

    1. Hello Susan, I am sorry for your situation. The passage you are referring to about marrying in order to not burn with lust is from 1 Corinthians 7. I recommend that you go read that chapter in its entirety. I think you will find that in context, that verse is not saying what you think it’s saying. In fact that verse isn’t talking to you at all. It is talking to unmarried virgins. Much of the rest of the chapter talks to those who are in difficult marriages and the message is clear – try your very best to honor your marriage vows, but if your unbelieving spouse insists on a divorce, let them leave. It does not say, though, that this is so you can marry someone else.
      You said you are still young and you need love in your life. I would encourage you to spend some time focused on the love God has for you. Try your best to get everything you need from that relationship, because it really is enough for us. And when we are satisfied in Him, we are far less likely to rush into destructive human relationships because we are craving something that could have and should have been satisfied in Christ.

  10. Hello,

    I married unequally yoked against the warnings of The Holy Spirit.
    There has been constant warfare and I know it wasn’t blessed by The Lord because of unrepentant fornication. We rushed the marriage because of conviction on my part as a believer but he was in church as a kid but didn’t seem to have any fruit of The Spirit and lives a worldly lifestyle and doesn’t read The Word really at all or pray much that I see. I was deceived at the beginning because he continued to come to church and bow his head and whatnot but I didn’t see a lot of true repentance and faith. Still don’t see a lot. Anyway the reason I’m here is because we are already considering separation and he has mentioned going through and filing divorce which I don’t ultimately want but we have had a lot of toxic arguments and it’s verbally abusive on both sides and very unloving. I feel abandoned already because he chooses to play video games all day and night and neglects his duties as a true husband. He doesn’t cherish me or lead me. I feel alone in this marriage and don’t feel like it’s valid in my heart. I was under the influence of alcohol when I said the vows before his family and his aunt was ordained but not a true Bible believing Christian. She was very worldly and seemed to almost mock it and also works at an adult store. Everything about this has been chaos and a mess and confusion. I’m heartbroken because I let Satan distract me and now I’m married to someone who professes to believe but doesn’t practice it and doesn’t want Godly counsel. He wants a worldly counselor if any and I want The Lord in all of it as a believer. I’ve fallen into so much sin especially with abuse of alcohol and its led to more sin. I don’t know what to do. Please respond!

    1. Hi April. I am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation, but I am thankful that you seem to understand that it was your own rebellion from God’s standards that led you here. I believe 1 Corinthians 7 will be the most helpful portion of Scripture to speak into your specific situation. (Though certainly there are many others that you will find incredibly valuable as well.) You can’t go back and undo what has been done. You can only go forward with renewed commitment to honor God in each decision you make.

      That means you have to be fiercely committed to a few things:
      1. The study and application of Scripture to your decisions no matter how difficult obedience will be.
      2. Constant prayer which will keep you in communication with God and open your heart to His leading, not to mention His miraculous working.
      2. Learning to find everything you need to get by from your relationship with God and not from your marriage or any other human relationship.

      I would also challenge you to take your time making decisions. Don’t react in the middle of the emotions of it all, but take the time to think about and put together a response that honors God. Things are rarely as urgent as they feel in the middle of the chaos. The decisions you need to make today will still be there tomorrow. Sleep on it. Pray on it. Spend some time in Scripture looking for the answers you need. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you and trust His timing. Proverbs 3:5-6 has been so helpful to me in those times. I have clung to its promise that if I will trust God with all my heart and not depend on my own understanding in any situation, and if I will seek HIS WILL in everything I do, He will faithfully show me what to do and which path to take. He has never ever failed to come through and be faithful to His promises.

  11. 40 year marriage and I do not trust my husband. He is home 99% of the time but on Saturdays, he runs errands and there is evidence of most errands like hair cut, groceries, cvs run, cleaners but he is gone 6 hours every Saturday and those errands do not take 6 hours and he will not be accountable for the hours if asked. He just responds by saying he ran errands.

  12. My husband been unfaithful since we got married. We’ve been together for 16 years and recently someone reached out to me saying her cousin is my husband’s girlfriend. Though painful, its no longer a shock. But it seems to be the last straw for me, i now want to leave this marriage. I dont want my kids to get hurt like the first time they hear about their father’s unfaithfulness. They were devastated. I dont want to put them into the same pain thus I am keeping my husband’ s unfaithfulness a secret from them.

    1. Hi Anya. I am sorry you are facing this. You have to do what you think is best with your children, but I would advise honesty. That doesn’t mean you share every detail, but simply that you be honest. It is not you that is hurting them, it is him. And you can’t help that. But a lie is also a betrayal of a relationship, and so if you lie to them, you will add your own betrayal to his and it will be much more difficult for them to trust you in the future. Just some food for thought.

  13. Thank you for taking time to write this article. I’m encouraged by it and your responses to the comments and confidently concur with what you say. I’ve been in an unequally yoked marriage for almost thirty years and am currently in my third separation about nine months. We’ve raised our children and I could conceivably ‘move on’ but I know it’s not biblical nor is it what I desire. My walk with God, though rocky at times, has been constant throughout my marriage since I was born again third year into into our vows. Before then I went with him as my boyfriend, lover and someone to get high with. After, I saw the error and horror of this and was truly ashamed of my sin. And of his. However, this did not immediately translate into a heart softening kind of light in his heart as it did in mine. I saw my sickness and wages for my sin and repented. He did not – even after I shared the gospel. The parable of the soils speaks to this. And the 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love became my test. I knew this is how God wants those of us who call themselves His to be. And by this we will draw our unbelieving spouses to believe. This has been my constant prayer all of these years and nothing has diminished of this prayer except this: it has become less about his transformation and more about mine. God knows where he is and he knows where each of us are. I am the 99 and my husband is the 1 and is in serious spiritual warfare. Prayers for all of you. Pray for us too please. Much love in Christ!

    1. Hello Juniper. Thank you for your encouragement, and may God bless you for your faithfulness and obedience to Him. I am praying for both you and your husband right this minute.

  14. My wife died 5 years ago after 41 year’s of marriage. Shortly after, I married a Christian who had 2 previous marriages but she walked out on both and divorced. She claimed infidelity with the previous husbands.. She carries a lot of emotional hurt from those marriages. We’ve talked about it many times and I’ve always tried to encourage her through it. When we first married she might have a glass of wine for dinner at a restaurant. I didn’t notice drinking outside of this venue. I’m not a drinker, but the Old Testament people drank wine and I let it pass. When we got married, I asked her not to bring any alcohol into the house, she agreed. We’ve been married for 4 1/2 years now. A year ago I found bottles hidden in the house. I politely asked her about it. She replied she changed her mind about bringing alcohol into the house. In the last 6 months she started becoming distant, not communicating much . When I noticed she was looking depressed and quiet, I would try to talk with her about what was bothering her. She would reply she needed her space. As I would leave for work at night for the last 6 months I noticed alcohol strongly on her breath. She wouldn’t share what was on her mind. I repeatedly tried to sit down and talk, but she refused. Six weeks ago she went to visit her son and his family from her first marriage. She never returned. She came a week later to the house while I was at work, and cleared out her belongings. She left a note saying she’s leaving and not to contact her. Over the last 6 weeks she changed her phone number and mailing address. She’s unfriended me on Facebook. Refuses to talk , even though I’ve reached out to her in every conceivable way. My state doesn’t offer legal separation only divorce. I don’t like this path , but I see no other option. She currently drives a car which is titled in my name which opens me up to legal problems if she was to get in an accident while drinking. I’m also concerned about any financial obligations I’ll be liable for if she starts opening up accounts in my name when she seems so unstable. I do want to reconcile. I don’t see how it can happen the way things are. I believe alcohol is a big influence on her actions. Just looking for some advice

    1. Hi David, I am sorry for your painful situation. I am not a marriage counselor and don’t really have any qualification to give you advice here as it pertains to what you should do in the marriage. I can offer advice as a fellow believer though. That being that you find a good marriage counselor who is committed to Scripture and obedience to God above all else. And even more important that you make sure you are spending time every single day in the Word of God and in prayer asking God for clarity and wisdom on this issue and the courage to obey Him completely as He leads you. I am sorry if that isn’t what you are looking for. I am praying now that God will overwhelm you with His presence and give you clarity according to His will.

  15. Hello,
    Thank you for this article. I will hold on to the scriptures in Corinthians. I had been contemplating separation from my husband of 4 years for at least half or more of our marriage. With prayer & discernment I was led to sign my own lease & move out. Although this happened fast through the years of ups & downs I believed without counseling or constant communication we would never be able to be yolked. I was hoping for “therapeutic separation” in leaving but he feels backslide & wants a divorce. I’m very hurt & confused. I believed I did what was ultimately best for me seeing that I’ve put us first for so long. Please pray for us! Thank you

    1. I will certainly pray right now for God to give you wisdom and clarity and the courage to obey no matter how difficult what He asks may be. Just be sure that what you are doing is for HIM, not for you. He does not want us to pursue what is best for us, but what is right according to Him. (Which of course, IS what is best for us.) It can be easy to get confused when life is hard. That is why it is so important that we pursue Him daily through Bible study and prayer to be sure we are aligning ourselves to His ways and not our own. May God give you wisdom!

  16. Hi Cherith, I can’t seem to get over a past mistake my husband made 3 years ago. It was minor, but something innapropriate that involved another female. Since then I’ve had increased mental health issues and now it’s to the point where it’s involved a lot of paranoia and distrust towards my husband. In the the case of mental and emotional stress and increased tension in the home, is seperation ok? I’m to the point where I’m tired and think separation in order to give me time to heal and go to therapy will benefit us. I told him that maybe we can live seperately on good terms and still do things together as a couple and family. I just need some space at this time. What do you think?

    1. Hi Kay, I am not a marriage counselor. I can’t tell you what you should do, but since you asked me what I think I will be candid. This does not sound like a situation for separation to me. Not yet anyhow. If there is evidence that his unfaithfulness has continued and that he is unrepentant, then yes, I think separation would be appropriate, but it doesn’t sound like that is the case. Again, though, I only know what little you have told me here and I am not a therapist or an expert in these issues. I am simply a student of the Word of God who wants to help people pursue our Lord and Savior above all else. But from the little you have told me here, it seems to me that the issue is with unforgiveness on your part. Why do you need to be separated to pursue healing here? If he was continuing to inflict the pain that led to this on you, then yes, you would need to get away from it. But you don’t seem to be saying that is the case. I don’t think space is what you need. I think surrender is what you need. You need to understand your own sinfulness and how completely God has forgiven you and be ready to offer that same level of forgiveness to others. We don’t want to be like the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18. Don’t let pride and a victim mentality keep you from the joy God offers when we can simply trust Him with our future and be obedient to forgive as He has called us to. Forgive me if I have misread the situation. I pray God gives you wisdom.

  17. Hello
    I been married for 42years, and my husband walk out on me soon be 3years. I’m still love him and praying for us to get back together. We have talked but he saying that we are not getting back together. He always brings up the past where do I go from here.

    1. Hi Janice, I am sorry for the pain you have endured. Friend, I don’t know what God might do in the future, but at least for now the answer seems to be to accept that the marriage is over and start looking for the purpose God has for you elsewhere. There is so much work to be done for His Kingdom. My advice is to get busy doing the work and find your place there. I am confident God will bring such joy and peace and fulfillment to your life as you do! I recommend a reading of 1 Corinthians 7. I pray God will use it to speak to you personally about your situation and lead you into His perfect will for you. God bless you friend!

  18. Hello maam, good day to you
    This is my story, i am an unmarried guy who got involved in fornication 3 years ago up to recently with a married woman.
    Ive met her in college and didnt know that she was already married at the time but also i have not touch her during that time until ive met her again after a few years after college. I believe in marriage and its holiness that i hated cheating even in my thoughts, but to my surprise, with my desire and longing for her, i acted rashly when i met her again and that lead me to commiting something that i would be feeling guilty and heart burdened to this day and every day…

    And now, just a few days ago i told her about how i am feeling, that i cannot take it anymore, that we should stop having sex and that i am willing to wait until she can be married again, am i doing it in Gods way maam!? Im very confused… We both lamented about ending the comfort zone that weve been sharing together but i think we should do what God says…

    Maam, i couldnt totally end the relationship, i am close to her only daughter now and i also want to be the dad figure for her… the only thing that i ended up is the sex part…she was the only woman ive had intimacy with btw

    1. Hello Momo, no I do not believe you are doing the right thing. Marriage is precious to God and He hates divorce. You should not be encouraging her to end her marriage and instead marry you but to repent of this sin, have nothing to do with you ever again, confess to her husband, and do everything she can to fight for her marriage. Pick up your Bible and read it for yourself. I have no doubt God will show you the same thing. This is not a gray area, and I think you know it. Stop being a part of this sin. Repent and do what is right, no matter how difficult it is to you personally. You will never regret obedience to God in the long run.

  19. Hello….am a woman from one of the African countries…am currently leaving with my sister after agreeing with my husband of 10 months that the marriage wasn’t working…I’ve had anger and temper issues personally and theys been infidelity in my marriage causing me to no longer trust my husband.due to countless arguments I decided to move out cause I felt he just dint care.i love my husband and really don’t want a divorce but his shown no effort in trying to work on marriage…is their help for us or I might be forcing matters.

    1. Hi Razia, I am sorry for what you are going through. I don’t know what the situation is where you are from, but I think the best help is always going to be first of all from God Himself, and second from brothers and sisters in Christ. Do you have a local church that is committed to the Word of God? If so, I’d start there. If not, is it possible to find one where you are? I have only visited two small areas of Africa, and in both a local body of believers would have been difficult to find, but not impossible. I will pray right now God leads you to His people.
      Unfortunately, unless your husband is also willing to seek and accept whatever help is available, it may be too late for the marriage. But there is certainly hope for YOU! God can give you healing and purpose no matter what the future holds for the marriage. It sounds to me, from the very limited information I have, that you have done the right thing in leaving the marriage for now. Unless there is repentance for the infidelity on his part, and a willingness to be committed to the marriage as his vows promised, then the covenant has been broken and I do not believe you are bound to the marriage any longer in God’s eyes. But that is my understanding of Scripture. You must study it for yourself and ask God to give you wisdom and discernment to know what He wants from you. I am a flawed person who can make mistakes, but He is perfect and so is His Word. May God give you wisdom friend.

  20. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. Dated for 7 years. It feels like out of the blue my husband says he wants a separation because he believes I was unfaithful to him 2 years ago. We went over this at the time and he accepted that I was telling the truth about never being unfaithful. A year later we married. A couple weeks ago we found out I was pregnant, our first child. A couple days ago he says he still doesn’t believe me and can’t stand that I won’t tell him the truth. This feels so abrupt because ever since finding out I was pregnant, he’s been so loving and supportive. And even before that he hasn’t really changed towards me at all. Sometimes I worry and fear his has some unstable mental illness that he needs to work on. I suggested therapy to him. But he genuinely feels like he hates me. Regardless of how he is treating me now, I still love him with all my heart. We were just made one by God and I still firmly believe that. Please pray for our family.

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About BVRH:

At Broken Vows, Restored Hearts, we believe that when two people surrender to God there is no marital brokenness He can’t redeem. Our God is a chain breaker and a heart healer. We only need to believe, repent, and obey! So let’s turn to Him and be healed.

“Oh Lord, if You heal me, I will be truly healed; if You save me, I will be truly saved. My praises are for You alone.”
Jeremiah 17:14

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